Imagine!

Imagine there's no Heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace

These lines are from John Lennon’s song ‘Imagine’. Everytime I hear this song I get transported to a psychedelic world with nothing to worry, just love, peace and happiness. I cannot say whether John Lennon really meant what he wrote or whether he did it just for the money, but just imagine what if the world transformed overnight as according to this song. I know this is impossible, with so many blood thirsty fueled by greed leaders of the out there. The sky may open up and fart out loud but the world leaving in Peace….. It’s just impossible.

So inspired by John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’, I have decided to write my own version of ‘Imagine’:

Imagine if God did not create Eve (We would still be in Eden)

Imagine if Eve did not tempt Adam to taste the forbidden fruit (We would still be in Eden)

Imagine a world without the First World War

Imagine a world without the atom bomb blast on Japan

Imagine a world without the Vietnam War

Imagine a world without greed and jealousy

Imagine a world without money, where everyone has the same quality if life

Imagine a world without the 9/11

Imagine a world without Osama Bin Laden

Imagine a world without Saddam Hussain

Imagine a world without Bush

Imagine a world without religion

Imagine a world without corporate world

But I can’t imagine a world without TV and BEER

Have you ever been seduced by a Playboy bunny?

Have you ever been seduced by a sexy ass Playboy bunny? Have you ever dream of Michael Jackson after his death? Have you ever fantasized getting jiggy with Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt? Guys have you dreamed of becoming a porn star, where you get paid doing what you love the most and you get to explore manygina without the tension of dating? Well I have never dreamed any of the above (well I won’t mind the last one)…. This post has nothing to do with any of these and I am not going to blog about any of these.

Right now my life revolves around India, its history, culture, religion and so on. I have soaked up a lot of India and I really feel lucky to a part of this fascinating country. Compared to West, India is a completely different world in almost every way. Though most of my post is about India and I know some of you must have had enough reading about India, but I can’t help it. I have bitched about India a lot (which I don’t regret) but today for a change I’ll write the things that I love about India.

The best thing about India is its closely knitted family lifestyle. I mean the joint family. Unlike the West, where kids flies away from their folks once they reach 18, in India you will find kids sticking with their folks even after getting married. I really admire this. Kids in India stick with their folks, not because they cannot support themselves but because they want to repay what their parent have done for them, by supporting them in their old age. In the west once you moved out from your home, people hardly even call up their folks, leave alone visiting them. I really have learned a lot from this. I haven’t seen my folks in almost three years and I hardly call them up. But after coming to New Delhi and mingling with the locals I have started calling my folks at least twice and I have decided that no matter what I’ll be spending this Christmas with my folks.

Overall, India is not such a bad country. People still have respect for their elder (though I have seen 5 year old kids calling his grandpa a motherfucker and a sister fucker), but seriously overall, people still respect their elders. People here still believe in the holy relationship of a brother and a sister. They observe this by celebrating the festival of Rakhi (which happens in the first week of August), where the sister ties a holy tread in her brother’s arm. Speaking of Rakhi Festival, I hope the two hot chicks (Miss Annie and Miss Kapoor, both blessed with Irresistible body, who I believe are blessed with 36+ size boobs) who sits next to me are not planning to tie me that holy tread. Guys, Let me just stop here.. I have to go and apply for a day off that day because I seriously don’t want to be their brother… LOL……

A Religiously Rich Country

As always, India is a fascinating country. When it comes to religion, No other country is as religiously rich as India. You will find Hindu, Muslins, Jain, Buddhist, Christian and Sikhs all living peacefully under a building (Unlike those assholes in the Middle East, who consider their God can kick every other Gods Ass). In India, everyday there is a festival, a festival in honor of a God or Goddess. As Hinduism is the most popular religion in India, Today I will try to focus more on Hinduism, so remind me if I wonder off in the middle.

I haven’t mingled much with people from other parts of India except New Delhi. But what I have observed here is Hindus are some of the most strong willed. Besides the trained hit and blow up suicide boomers in the Middle East, Hindus are some of the most dedicated in the world. I have meet local who would walk 200 kilometers just to pray in a specific temple. Walking all the way to the holy river Ganges to fetch water from the Holy River. Fasting for days. While even some sadhus (Kind of a holy man) rolling bare naked from the Himalayas to the southern tip of the country, Kerala. It’s a wonder, what religion can do.

Speaking of fasting, I have a girlfriend here in my workplace (not that kind of girlfriend, she is a girl and I am her friend so that makes her my girl friend) who is fasting right now for a good husband. She has a massive crush on someone at work place, I mean that kind of crush whose explosion could make the atom bomb explosion in Hiroshima looks like child thing. She has been fasting every Monday morning, so that guy would come and ask her out. That’s what I call dedication and faith. But if you ask for my opinion, I would rather suggest her (I know she is reading this post, so I’ll give her a piece of advice here) to go straight and talk to him. If he is not interested in you, send him an email inviting him to come to your place for dinner. Also let him know that you will be wearing one of those black transparent thongs, with no bras and just a thin gown to cover up.

Enough of this… Let me just end it here. If I write more, I guess my blog will become more like those free porn sites where you can read spicy sex stories.

(P.S: A work college got married recently and we caught him searching for the term ‘ how to seduce your wife’ on Google.)

I Am an Outsider

I have always been an outsider, my whole life. I was the weirdest kid in high School. When all the kids in wore branded clothes, I was head over heels for torn jeans, black Rock band t-shirts with skulls and disturbing pictures, leather boots and converse all star shoes. I was an anti-sport guy, when the rest of the school joined football team, basketball team... Etc...Etc. When everyone was going crazy over gay boy bands like backstreet Boys, boyzone, Westlife (Sorry rory and QM about this. I know you guys like these bands.)I was lost in my own world which includes Kiss, Led Zeps, Black Sabbath, Metallica, Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Slayer, Nirvana and so on. When it comes to ‘how you define sexy’, kids of my age that time were head over heels for Britney, Christiania…. But unfortunately these pop princesses were not for me. Instead I used to get boner thinking about Joan Jett, Lita Ford, Ann Wilson and Nancy Wilson of the ‘Heart, Jan Kuehnemund and Jenna Sanz-Agero of the Vixen.

That was longtime back….College was fun. College was a place where I feel I was home. In college no one is an outsider, unless you don’t booze, dope and attend every class.

As all good things has to come to an end, mine came when I graduated from college and started earning my living in this sick, greedy infested world called the ‘Corporate world’. As a born rebellion and part cave man (actually I should have joined a revolutionary group) I had a tough time adjusting with the formal, well behaved world of ‘Corporate world, where you have to say sorry and thank you every ten second. Even my boss had a tough time taming me, but unfortunately he could not. It takes more than just a MBA degree to tame a born rebellion, part cave man and a die hard metal fan. I guess he stopped trying because he does not give me that look whenever I wear my uniform (black Rock band t-shirts with skulls and disturbing pictures) to work.

It’s not easy to be an outsider. Right from high school to the corporate world, I fought with everything and everyone that came my way to kill the real me (born rebellion, part cave man and a die hard metal fan). The situation here in New Delhi is no different. The real battle field is here. When ever I go out with my over silky long hair let loose, wearing a torn jean and a black t-shirt, people stare at me as if I am from fucking Mars. The wise guys starts commenting, ‘why don’t you grow up’, ‘ be more responsible’, ‘be more mature’ and cut your hear, wear something formal… Come on. How is having long hair, wearing black t-shirts connected to being mature and responsible? Just flip through the history, you will find some of the world greatest human beings with long hair. Being responsible has nothing to do with Collar shirts.

Anyway, it’s tough to be an outsider but what is life if you don’t stand out from the rest.

The Sex Adventure of Two Indians and a Polish

Are you stressed out? Well I am. Am tried of my daily 9 hours working shift. Tired of watching the on going war in Iraq, the protest in Iran and Honduras. Tried of watching tributes to Michael Jackson, tired of Michael Jackson fans morning. In short am so stressed out that I don’t find anything in this life exciting.

Who isn’t stressed out? I should thank God that I still find pleasure doing small stuffs like spending my time with my new puppy (Oh yes.. I have a new puppy now), riding my horse, jamming with my band, drinking chilled beer, making plans on how to earn my first million online, watching big ass, big asses, free ass, round ass, Asian movies, women and Bollywood movie, (well the bold words were added just to increase some traffic. LOL. It seems these are the top keywords right now).

Recently I have been sneaking to jokes sites from my work place and believe me keeps me refreshed. During one of my trip to a site called Aha! Jokes I came across a really funny one. Here it goes. Hope you will enjoy this:

Two Indians and a Polish fellow were walking along together in the desert, when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the cave... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and then listened very closely until he heard the answer..."Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave.

Confused the Polish fellow asked the other Indian what that was all about, was that Indian going nuts. "No", said the other Indian. "It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", and get an answer back, that means that a female is in there waiting for you.

After walking for some distance, the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When he heard the return, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", off came the clothes and into the cave he goes.
Excited the Polack started running around the desert looking for a cave. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave. As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, "Man! Look at the size of that cave! It's bigger then the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave!"

Well... he took-off up the hill at a super fast speed. He got in front of the cave and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave.

The next day in the newspaper the head lines read, Naked Polack Run Over By Freight Train!!

Halleluiah: New Delhi is Wet like a Girl in her Prime!

Today I just feel like saying Halleluiah.. Halleluiah.. You wanna know why! Well the skies have finally opened up. The temperature has drastically dropped from 45 to 34. IS this a miracle? A blessing from above? Or Mother Nature is in a good mood. It finally rained here in New Delhi. I never expected this. New Delhi is at its best today. The ride to work from home was so enjoyable that I had this feeling of going back to home and ride back again to work. Believe me not even a single drop of sweat was wasted today.

Since its payday I guess I’ll grab some beer on the way, hire a pool dancer or a stripper and have some fun. Wish I could do that. Unfortunately there are no pool dancer and stripper here in New Delhi, to my knowledge. For god sake, sex is a taboo here, even though it has the second most populated country in the world.

Cruising the Streets of New Delhi: Not an Easy Task

Since I have started riding my horse to work, I have been having a blast. I just love the feeling of warm summer wind brushing through my over silky hair (who’s hair won’t be silky after applying a bottle of Livon), the rush of going 100 kilometers an hour, the fear of being crushed by a 10 to 20 something ton truck and the uncertainty of whether my horse can take the hot and the awful humidity of New Delhi. It’s just awesome…

Driving in New Delhi can be terrifying, especially if you are riding a bike. Local drivers here are all born qualified F1 racer. They can even blast an 800 cc car at 150 kilometers. If you own a Honda Civic, then the road is yours. Though there is a speed limit, but no one. Nobody give a damn to the cops, provided that you must have 100 bucks (around 3 dollars) in your wallet. In short New Delhi is kind of a race car driver paradise. If you run over a biker or a predistian, you can always get away from the scene, or if caught by the cops, well, around 5000 rupees can get the job done. If you are a speed freak, come on over here and test your skills. I would recommend Ferrari, Porsche , Honda, Lamborghini, BMW and Mercedes to stop wasting their time, patience and money on drivers like Lewis Hamilton and Michael Schumacher. Instead come over here. You will get hundreds and hundreds or drivers who can drive 120 kilometers and hour at streets filled with leg pulled rickshaws, tuk-tuks, cars, trucks, bikes and bicycles. Just imagine, if these drivers were given one of your super cars and let them driver in a racing circuit.

Am still riding my horse, though it’s very dangerous here. But I have my own reasons. My work shift starts from 14:00 hours. I sleep till noon, so its almost impossible for me to grab breakfast. Traveling in crowded cabs, filled with fresh wash aroma of sweats, fish like body odor, burping and occasional farting is challenging. Especially if you are traveling on empty stomach. One can even get lifelong diseases. I have decided, it would be better to risk my life and ride my horse top work, rather than be a part of this smelly feast!